Every once in awhile the Fuzz breaks away from the fantasy-world of designer runways to comment on real-world crimes of fashion. You may recall our outrage last year at Louisiana's attempted regulation of exposed boxers. And once again we must bring to your attention a community fashion scandal that is quickly becoming the talk of the town...
Hasidic Williamsburg residents are upset that female hipsters are using neighborhood bike lanes in shorts and are asking that the city close them.
GASP!
Sure, they also have a number of other, relatively reasonable complaints... that bike lanes cause congestion (mostly untrue), that cyclists don't obey traffic lights (mostly true), and that the lanes pass local schools (true, but so do public streets and sidewalks). And that's all fine and dandy talk to take up with your community board. Protest away!
And to be fair, if you saw the atrocities that many hipsters in Williamsburg are wearing these days, you might not want them biking through your enclave either. But that's beside the point. When our First Amendment rights to wear high waisted metallic shorts with a really unflattering vintage blouse whilst riding a rusty vintage bike with a basket on city streets are challenged, goddammit it's time to take a stand!
So in an attempt to keep our readers informed, HF has compiled several top news sources' coverage of the debate:
Exhibit A:
The Jarusalem Post runs a run-of-the-mill, non-sensationalized story quoting a range of concerns from the Hasidic community board spokesman regarding the bike lanes.
(This will never do.)
New York Magazine's Approval Matrix sums it up in the "Highbrow/Despicable" quadrant.
Exhibit C:
The New York Post puts The Onion to shame with an actual news story.
Now where did we put those American Apparel silver lamé hot pants...?
No comments:
Post a Comment