Tuesday, July 31, 2007

history of fashion 101

In the 15th Century women's bodices began to adopt deep V-necks and laced front openings, marking the incorporation of functionality into fashion. Not only did the garments enhance the bosoms and minimize the waist in the most current of styles, but also provided easy access for breastfeeding. Employing a wet nurse at this time was viewed as failure on part of the mother, and so wearing the open-front bodices became a symbol of both haute style and successful maternal status. The child of a breastfeeding mother would not grow up to require a personal nurse or weekly meetings with a priest.

Over the next five centuries bodices evolved dramatically, during which time the relationship between fashion and function experienced both marriage and estrangement.

Likewise, the purposes for which one required unrestricted access to the nipples evolved as well.

Eventually the function of freeing nipples at a moment's notice expanded to menswear.

However, unlike the well-adjusted children of 15th Century breastfeeding mothers, it was widely known that the offspring of nipple-displaying lords would require psychotherapy by the age of 15.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Monday, July 16, 2007

summer reading list

This week HF pays tribute to some of the great literature of our time.

First on the list...

Of Human Bondage

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

dear miss manners,

As an environmentally conscious citizen, I ride my bike whenever possible. However, lately I've noticed that biking has become so trendy that many chic bars and restaurants now offer bike valet. While I enjoy utilizing this service, it raises the significant issue of what to do with my bike chain and lock when I arrive at such an accommodating establishment. Is it a sign of my age that I still adhere to previously "common" etiquette of not wanting a gargantuan chain to detract from the sophistocated aesthetic of my bicycle unless it is serving a function?

Gentle Reader,

Monday, July 9, 2007

style on vacay

HF apologizes for neglecting to tell you we were going on vacation last week. Admittedly, thoughts of fashion don'ts were overshadowed by vain attempts to avoid other don'ts--like sand in the suit, sun rash, and over-tanned middle-aged men laying it all out on the beach. And I do mean all.

Someone should also apologize to this poor girl for neglecting to tell her that the designers and seamstresses were going on vacation too--and taking all the fabric, thread, needles, and staplers with them. Which might explain why she was forced to construct an outfit out of trash bags and first aid tape.

They also took the morphine from the first aid kit.

(A sunburnt shlong is a painful sight!)

Monday, July 2, 2007

smoking permitted

Inhaling, however...

Death by cellophane is so haute.