Thursday, February 28, 2008

let's ask the magic 8 ball coat

Should HF go back in time and become an evil psychic style icon who messes with designers' heads by drugging them and wearing their new fashions in front of them in a simulated fog machine dream sequence BEFORE they've actually been realized?


(shake shake)

Viktor & Rolf A/W 08

Oh who cares what you think!

Friday, February 22, 2008


Well, you know what the Monty Python boys say...

Benjamin Cho A/W 08

"Every sperm is sacred..."

Thursday, February 21, 2008

and for my next phase

I will perform sublimation!

Because only by foregoing liquids, by vaporizing the fluid transition and reducing visibility... in a place where berets can become baseball caps, and Renaissance priests and poets and zombies and Medieval torture victims and anthropomorphists can all walk together in each other's footsteps... where molecules are not trapped by atmospheric pressure, and the soul is not pressured by atmospheric pressure, and Vanilla Ice knows not the pressures of being under pressure for Under Pressure... where even the most distressed of leathers are not driven over the edge... only there, below the triple point, in a drily icy mysterious shroud of vaporous mist, do the true meanings of my fashion solidify.

Feeling a bit confused? Have a look at Galliano's fall menswear collection. Contains Prince Valiant wigs, fake blood, zombies, torture, animal masks, plot holes and questionable use of a jock strap. Parents strongly cautioned.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

ad nauseum

MIRANDA: You're late! What happened?

CARRIE: I got sick in the cab. I threw up! All over my clothes!

CHARLOTTE: Well you have to go change! You can't be my baby's godmother looking like that, it's not appropriate! What will the Times think? There's a photographer here, you know.

SAMANTHA: Oh, fuck the photographer. I did.

CHARLOTTE: You did what!

SAMANTHA: Last night. And does he know how to shoot!

CHARLOTTE: You can't say that, we're in a synagogue! That's even worse than wearing vomit!

CARRIE: Come on, it's not that bad, is it? Do you think anyone will notice?

Basso & Brooke A/W 08

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

lord of the rings

Marc Jacobs A/W 08

It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves; immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven, to the Dwarf Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. For within these rings was bound the strength and the will to govern over each race.

But they were all of them deceived, for a new ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret, a master ring, to control all others. And into this ring he poured all his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. One ring to rule them all.

But they were all of them deceived again, for Sauron did not stop with one. His lust for rings and power consumed him, and he poured his dark will into another ring, and soon after, another. Upon not one of his cruel fingers did the nakedness of mortality lay, and still he desired more rings.

Rings to rule them all...

Thursday, February 14, 2008

english rule

Do these pants make my package look bigger?


How bout now...

Jeremy Scott S/S 08

Dammit, I knew we shoulda used the metric system.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

great eggspectations

BALTIMORE -- Project Athena scientists at Johns Hopkins proudly welcomed yesterday's birth of Molly, the first human ever to hatch fully grown from an egg.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

listen to the sound of my voice

You are getting very sleepy...

Very sleepy....

Your cares and anxieties are melting away... as you fall into a state of deep, deep relaxation...

Deeper and deeper...

Very... very... sleepy...


Very ...



claymation sensation

Hey, remember that episode of Celebrity Deathmatch when Pam Anderson-then-Lee's boobs rolled down her arms into her hands, which she promptly used to beat the crap out of Ru Paul?

And the winner is... Pamela Anderson Lee!

Feeling nostalgic? Watch the episode.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Friday, February 8, 2008

pennsylvania dutch masters

We've said it once and we'll say it again-- Amish chicks are hot!

(And see that black cap? She's single. Might wanna keep that in mind when you offer her a ride home in your buggy after Sunday evening singing...)

Thursday, February 7, 2008

are you remembering to floss?

Hi, I'm Dr. Rosenthal. Can you open big for me? Great. Well, I just had a look at your X-rays and it does look like you've got some decay in that upper three. See that spot? Yep, that's a cavity. I'm going to check with Patty if we can get you in to take care of that today.

In the meantime I'd like to introduce you to our new dental hygienest, Bernadette.

She'll do your cleaning and fluoride treatment. Bernadette, after you do the fluoride why don't you go ahead and go over home care.

Especially flossing.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

this just in

FEBRUARY 6, LONDON-- London officials were baffled yesterday when a collection of five modern artworks disappeared from an exhibition at the Tate Modern in broad daylight. Detectives speculate that the team responsible the master heist was likely a group of highly trained performance art specialty thieves calling themselves "The Exhibitionists," who had both the agile physical skills and high-tech equipment to disable the alarm systems and elude security.

Footage from a hidden security camera revealed that each perpetrator was outfitted with a custom-designed apparatus to affix the art pieces to their heads as hats, allowing them to walk right out the main entrance unnoticed.

Basso & Brooke S/S 08

Says one security guard who asked to remain anonymous, "I just thought there must be a wedding in the area."

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

what a rush!

Last week on a plane to Paris HF had the pleasure of experiencing the pure cinematic joy that is Rush Hour 3. In this gripping third installment of wise-cracking, butt-kicking genius, Detectives Lee and Carter decipher a string of intensely esoteric clues that lead them to a crime syndicate/secret society in Paris, France. Not unlike what HF was doing at that very moment! Crime syndicate, fashion trade show... While the detectives were forced to choose between talking or fighting, HF was forced to choose between chicken with rice or beef with pasta. ("No!" you say. Ja wohl.) So relatable was it, in fact, that we almost used the personal remote/video game controller/credit card-activated phone to call home and make sure the top-secret HF diaries/memoirs (working title: A Fuzzed Life) were secure.

However, all blissful enjoyment of this fine comedic artistry and even finer martial artistry was put on pause with the introduction of Georges, a lovable taxi driver who picks up our heroes at the airport. Georges is an average French blue-collar Joe. He drives a taxi. He smells. He speaks nasal English. He hates Americans. He will not drive them! He will not drive Carter's kind! Gasp!

Now wait just a minute. An artistic masterpiece of the Chris Tucker/Jackie Chan school of brilliance is resorting to cheap cultural stereotypes?! No! (Ja wohl.) But, but, but... we thought these sort of generalizations were no longer fashionable! Have we been misled? Have we been unknowingly living a life of fuzz?

But then after picking up his foreign passengers Georges is dragged into a volatile car chase involving guns, motorcycles, torn-off doors and and a good bout of car window acrobatics by ageless Detective Lee. How exciting! Now he loves Americans! He wants to be a cool American spy! Look, he has spent all day drinking delicious magical Starbucks!

Ohhh, how sneaky! Just when we thought this movie couldn't get any smarter... it's not a stereotype at all--but a brilliant satire disguised as a stereotype! A sardonic comment on the gluttony and corporate globalization of the American people! How clever! So clever we almost missed it! (Not to mention the uncanny connection that we were repeatedly served coffee on the plane! And they mention coffee in the movie! So true to life!)

Kind of like this!

Oh ho! Another cleverly hidden message! Could it be an ironic comment that Americans are loud and obnoxious and must wear giant shapeless tents because we're so obese and our veins run fizzy with Coca-Cola product? How subtle! So subtle we almost missed it!

Well shucks, everyone knows that models are cokeheads. That's not clever at all!

Not like Rush Hour 3, anyway.