Friday, October 23, 2009

it does all that?


Who says high fashion is out of touch with the needs of the everyday woman? Not Marc Jacobs! Just look at this new spring 2010 boot from Louis Vuitton, designed specially for the demanding lifestyle of Jane Housewife.


Louis Vuitton S/S 10


This lime green beauty doesn't just look great, it also keeps your toes toasty during the June snows, AND sweeps under the lip of your kitchen cabinets while you do the dishes. And those pesky dust bunnies under the bed? Don't stand a chance! What's more, each boot is equipped with a built-in nunchuck for fending off all those would-be purse snatchers.


Wednesday, September 30, 2009

i feel sick


Symptoms...?




Peter Jensen S/S 10


Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea.


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

three-way calling

Remember those little kiddie tri-level flip books that let you mix and match people's heads, torsos and legs to create wacky new looks?




Marios Schwab S/S 10


So does Marios Schwab.

a lady reveals nothing




LAMB S/S 10


Hey, if you weren't wearing any pants you'd keep your legs crossed too.


Monday, September 28, 2009

hair don't

In HF's fashion editor day job, we were advised by our boss to look at Marc Jacobs for "these funny hair accessories."

So we're editoring. Neutrals, yawn. Football gear, eh. New prints, yippeeeee. And then we start looking at the detail shots. Sure enough, the Marc Jacobs' models are wearing these funny hair accessories.

So we take a closer look. And realize there's something jarringly familiar about those funny hair accessories. Like a sociopath cellmate you thanked god you'd never see again.


Marc Jacobs S/S 10


SCRUNCHIES?!


Marc Jacobs, you have gone too far.


fang-tastic




Band of Outsiders S/S 10


It must be hard to find the right shade of foundation when you're a vampire.


Monday, June 29, 2009

psssst...



Agatha Ruiz de la Prada A/W 09


Hey, wanna see what's in my drawers?







My drawers!

Monday, June 22, 2009

mwahahaha!

"Summer is mine!


Maison Martin Margiela A/W 09


"Behold how I, the evil Cumulonimba, have shrouded your most favorite month in clouds and despair! Oh, Coney Island mermaids, how you wailed in the rains I threw down on King Neptune Harvey Keitel's glittery trident during your precious parade! Hahahaha! See how I rendered even the summer solstice powerless to extend the light of day! Let's see you pitiful picnickers frolic in parks full of cold, miserable mud! Grow, my clouds. Grooooow!"




"Gasp! Who dares approach my sinister system?!


No... it can't be...


Not... the Singing Umbrella...!"



Agatha Ruiz de la Prada A/W 09


"Cumulonimba! Thought you'd seen the last of me two summers ago, did you?

Well take this...

UMMMMBRELLAAA! ELLA ELLA ELLA ella ella ella ella




"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo"

Thursday, May 14, 2009

fluffy gets a grooming


Before.


Iceberg A/W 09



After.


Jean Pierre Braganza A/W 09

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

wide load, coming through


As body image is such a crucial issue for girls and young women today, HF would like to thank Topshop for using larger and plus-size models in their fall runway show.





Whadja say...?


It's just the clothes making them look so fat...?



Topshop Unique A/W 09


Oooooh.

Friday, May 8, 2009

all hail the genius mcqueen!


A triumph of brilliance!
An opus of magnificence!
A sculpted harmony in houndstooth!

Huzzah!






Um, does anyone else have the sudden urge to trade in your Skee-Ball tickets for a pair of wax lips... and maybe a beer helmet?




Alexander McQueen A/W 09


Beer helmets! Huzzah!

Friday, March 20, 2009

the good, the bad & the fuzzy




Jean-Charles de Castelbajac A/W 09

"Now listen to me, punk. This town ain't big enough for the both of us."




Jean-Charles de Castelbajac A/W 09

"Whoa Clint. You wanna be startin' something?"

Thursday, March 19, 2009

holy 80s neon, batman!


We've discussed the dangers of getting dressed too close to the paper shredder. But today HF would like to take some time to raise awareness for another dangerous piece of office equipment...





Jeremy Scott A/W 09

The hole punch.




Tuesday, March 17, 2009

that's what i want


Your love gives me such a thrill

But your love won't pay my bills




Jean-Charles de Castelbajac F/W 09


I want money!




Monday, February 16, 2009

9021-uh-O


HF has been laid up all week with a nasty sinus infection. It's not pretty. So we decided to pass the time in bed catching up on our vintage TV and watched the entire first season of 90210 in about 4 days. That's right, the original. So many life lessons in so little time! Diet pills kill your appetite AND your personality! You can't tell who has AIDS just by looking at them! Teen mothers are just like us, only not! Matched imitation Pucci print spandex from head to toe is a MISTAKE!


from the episode "East Side Story"

Then we finished off the first season with radish vegetable boutonnieres at the spring dance and started looking at the fall 2009 collections. And were terrified at what we saw!


Ohgodbikeshorts!

Alexander Wang A/W 09


Ohgodcolorblockedblazers!

Karen Walker A/W 09


OHGODMULTICOLORSTRETCHMINIDRESSES!

Preen A/W 09

OK that one is actually kind of cool. BUT TOO EASILY PICTURED ON TORI SPELLING CIRCA 1990!

Come on, people! Were you so distracted by Brian Austin Green's dance moves that you missed the valuable fashion lessons?

Someone needs a serious heart-to-heart with Jim and Cindy.

Friday, February 13, 2009

be mine... or else



Silk robes are red

Lace garter belts, too



John Galliano Menswear A/W 09

Dammit Janet!

They're not for you!


Wishing you a V.D. free V.D.

Love,
HF

Thursday, February 12, 2009

the fuzz will be with you... always



It seems Jabba the Hutt's dancing slave girl had plans to get married before she was fed to the Rancor for her unacceptable strip tease.



Giles Deacon S/S 09





Wednesday, February 11, 2009

modeling tips from the force


Obi-Wan: Let go your conscious self, and act on instinct.

Amanda: But with the blast shield down I can't even see. How am I supposed to walk?



Modernist S/S 09

Obi-Wan: Your eyes can deceive you. Don't trust them!





Amanda: I'm wearing something really ridiculous, aren't I.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

use the fuzz, luke!

You didn't think it was possible, did you... it's Star Wars Week on HF!

(Kind of like Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, but with less water.)





Eley Kishimoto S/S 09


Gold Leader: It's no good, I can't maneuver!

Gold Five: Stay on target.

Gold Leader: We're too close!







Saturday, January 10, 2009

haute foil




Rodarte S/S 09


It's so the aliens can't read our minds.






Thursday, January 8, 2009

do you polka?




House of Holland S/S 09


Clearly, he does.

Monday, January 5, 2009

happy new year!

Hooray for 2009! Good riddance to 2008! We hope everyone party-hardied, cut a rug, boogied down and rang in the new year with a whole lot of cheap champagne and then don't really remember much else except waking up in someone else's bed with a pounding headache!

Because really, what better way to start off the new year than with a righteous Walk of Shame...



Nathan Jenden S/S 09


Then again, maybe that pounding headache isn't from the champagne.