Thursday, August 30, 2007

my style is criminal... literally

Who am I?

I was born in the 1990s.
I have been linked to hip hop, troubled inner-city youth, and Kevin Federline.
I am tongue-in-cheekly featured in the Amy Heckerling movies Clueless and Loser (oh, how Sears took away my guesswork).
I am now illegal in select Louisiana towns and am punishable by a $500 fine or up to 6 months in jail.

Sadly, I'm not kidding. So who am I?

If you said "saggy, boxer-exposing pants"...

... you're right!

(So I guess K-Fed won't be able to visit the boys at Gramma's anymore)

Here at Haute Fuzz we usually stick to the runways, but this time Louisiana crossed the line. See today's New York Times Style section for full coverage of this absolutely preposterous criminal fashion offense. HF doesn't send people to jail for their fashion choices... we just send them into the depths of shame while we point and laugh. But afterwards we take everyone out for ice cream and celebrate their unique artistic visions, and that's a distinction we're proud to make. This post is dedicated to pants-droppers everywhere-- HF salutes you!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


Special Skills:
  • Suctioning myself to walls
  • Transmitting cellular signals
  • Serving beer nuts
  • Engaging submarine vessels (whose anti-hero captains have vowed to escape the barbarism of the human race) in fights to the death
  • Doing all of the above simultaneously

Thursday, August 23, 2007

we're off to see the wizard!

Back where I come from, there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila-, er... er... philanth-er... yes... er... good-deed doers, and their hearts are no bigger than yours.

But they have one thing you haven't got...

Full coverage.

simply divinyl

I love myself
I want you to love me
When I feel down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me

I don't want anybody else

When I think about you

I touch myself

(Disclaimer: HF claims no responsibility for any homicides, suicides, mental illness, drug addiction or alcohol-related injuries that may result from having 'I Touch Myself' by Divinyls stuck in your head for the remainder of the day. But rest assured, the Fuzz feels your pain.)

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Unseasonably dismal rainy days are the perfect opportunity to cozy up on the couch with a warm, furry friend.

Hey, two out of three ain't bad.

Monday, August 20, 2007

whatta man

He's bold. He's daring. He's dangerously wooly. And if he doesn't break your heart with his chiseled charm and callous romance...

He'll break your face with his studded man purse.

This post is dedicated to the Twizzle Remizzle for kicking the Fuzz out of jet lag and back to the mocking boards. HF salutes you!