Thursday, March 10, 2011

fall collections, we have a winner!

Congratulations to Michael Kors for eliciting the first official Fuzz of the new fall 2011 season! What, you might ask, garnered Mr. Kors this honor?

The criterion was simple...

Michael Kors A/W 11

It made us go "UHH." 

(Plus now we can't stop thinking about drumsticks.)

Monday, March 7, 2011

closing remarks

You have now seen but a small sampling of odious offenses the Dynasty of Unflattering Pants has thus far committed on the female form. You have seen the Unflattering Pants perform  vicious attacks on human dignity, and grave humiliations, even on children. These were not isolated or sporadic events, but carefully coordinated as part of a wide practice of atrocious trends for spring 2011. And you have seen them condoned by, an internationally respected authority on fashion. 

If there remain any doubts in your mind as to the damage that will continue if you allow the Unflattering Pants to go forth unhindered, HF offers one final plea for your consideration:

Next year, this could be you.

Street fashion by Anthea Simms S/S 11

exhibit e: no one is safe

We deeply regret having to show this lime green metallic horror being inflicted upon a young, helpless child.

Mona Lisa S/S 11

exhibit d: it gets worse

Ashish S/S 11

These hammer pants are not only sequined AND leopard print, but adorned with foot-long fringe trim.

exhibit c: parachute shorts

 Commuun S/S 11

Let the record show that this atrocity keeps its wearer in a perpetual state of wedgie humiliation.

the horror continues

Exhibit B: This widespread collection of diapers for spring 2011.

Marc by Marc Jacobs S/S 11

PPQ S/S 11

Michael Kors S/S 11

Daks S/S 11 
Topshop Unique S/S 11

Let the record show that not only are these briefs being pushed in such offensive fabrics as shiny silk, they are also turning up in chunky sweater versions. Let the record also show that yes, that is camel-toe.

please, stop the horror

Ladies and gentlemen,

We are here to present you with a grave reality... that the stylish world as we know it is currently under attack from an evil and widespread terrorist organization: the Dynasty of Unflattering Pants. The threat has been growing for more than a year now, and no longer we can stand idly by while the female form is so heinously affronted. This Dynasty of Unflattering Pants is being charged with severe crimes against humanity.

Let us remind everyone that crimes against humanity, as defined by the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court Explanatory Memorandum, "are particularly odious offenses in that they constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of one or more human beings. They are not isolated or sporadic events, but are part either of a government policy or of a wide practice of atrocities tolerated or condoned by a government or a de facto authority."

Over the course of the coming posts, you will be presented with alarming evidence that these Unflattering Pants are not isolated occurrences, nor innocent individuals acting under their own personal will. The Dynasty of Unflattering Pants is receiving funding, production assistance, and prolific media support from respected world fashion authorities.

HF has spent the last several months collecting evidence in this most serious matter. We do not seek to use shock tactics, but the truth is that the images you are going to see may shock you. They may disgust you.

First, we present you with the 'Look of the Day' from November 22, 2010, presented under the heading 'Who wore it well?'

Let the record show that the answer to that question is "No one."