Wednesday, October 31, 2007

halloween parade!

(No, it's not the Gaultier spring runway... that would be too easy.)

Look! it's a phoenix!

Look! it's a human lego!

Look! it's the frontman from a Norwegian death metal band at Woodstock!

Look! it's a maitre d' who got lost on the way to work and now he's in our Halloween parade and he doesn't know what to do!

Look! it's John Galliano!


oh joyous hallow

What a lovely day... Halloween...

A delightful autumn holiday... the sun is shining... birds are chirping... the air sparkles with thousands of pounds of felonious CFC spray glitter...

Let us all rejoice in the enchanting beauty of such a picturesque scene.

Let us dance and sing and spray more glitter. Let us---


The fishing net! It's back! Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

or you could go as...

K, the third Blockhead, who was ostracized from Gumby's inner circle after going to a rave with some club kids and getting addicted to ecstasy, crystal meth AND glitter just by looking at them...

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(In case you missed that episode...)

"That's right, K! You take your drugs and your glitter and don't come back!"

After that, K was even sadder than Eeyore.

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...for about 30 minutes, then the pill kicked in and she was good to go!

Monday, October 29, 2007

costume party!

Bride of Oscar the Grouch


(Though with a can like that, Oscar might not be so grouchy anymore...)

Friday, October 26, 2007

behind you!


(You thought I was lying about the evil fishing net?? It's alive! And it eats brains!)

Thursday, October 25, 2007


Well, it's officially The Week Before Halloween, which means we can officially start stuffing our faces with candy, dentists everywhere can rejoice at the promise of enough cavities to pay for their daughters' nose jobs, and the rest of us can break out those costumes we put so much effort into last year we that just have to wear again. We can also start telling ghost stories. Yes... ghost stories... Gather round, children. Everything I'm about to tell you is true...

It was a dark and stormy night.

Well, it was dark. Except under the streetlights. Okay so it wasn't particularly dark. But it had rained earlier that day. There was a house up on a hill by the woods, overgrown with bushes and weeds and smelling dankly of mold and neglect. All the neighborhood children were afraid of this house. Those who dared to venture within its shadowy eaves claimed they saw ghosts of the animals who drowned in the swimming pool over the summer. But inside the house, an eight-year-old girl was getting ready to go out trick-or-treating. She was fully costumed as A Business Woman, complete with a briefcase, mascara, and a navy blue skirt suit that was actually sized to fit an eight-year-old. The costume was her own idea. She also wore matching navy pumps.

Scared yet?

Lean into the fire, kids... there's more.

The girl's older sister had agreed at the last minute to take her trick-or-treating. But there was the dilemma of finessing a costume on such short notice. So she untied the rotting hammock from its slimy tree at the edge of the woods and threw it over her parka--she would go as a B-Movie Fisherman Who Had Been Attacked By a Fishing Net. But little did she know that the evil fishing net was real, and was eagerly awaiting the right moment to attack again.


Tuesday, October 23, 2007

a cry for help

Jean-Charles de Castelbajac S/S 08

Protect you from being a linebacker AND cheerleader for the St Louis Rams? While serving cocktails at Caesar's Palace?

I don't know, that's asking a lot.

How bout I just protect you from outfits that ram?

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

slash and burn

The world has learned many a valuable lesson from Christina Aguilera. Genies must be rubbed the right way. Group showers get you dirrrty, not clean. The meaning of "under-cleavage." How much we miss Dee Snider.

And in a self sacrifice beyond measure, she also taught us why it's not a good idea to bring your evening outfit to work and change in the copy room by the paper shredder.

However, some people who shall remain nameless (ahem, Gareth Pugh!) were absent that day.

Then again, maybe the model got flustered and put the boots on first.

(On a completely unrelated topic, the NYC Halloween Fetish Ball will be Sat 10/27 at Paddles)

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

up with maniskirts

If I hike it up high enough, maybe no one will notice that I'm wearing a sarong.

Monday, October 15, 2007

she's mighty migh-tay

"Dude, my girl is built like a brick house."

"Brick house? Pssh. My girl's built like a skyscraper. Seriously, her rack is like a fuckin' city skyline."

"Simile...? What the hell is a simile?"

Friday, October 12, 2007

mad max II: extended version

(Where would HF be without Sci-Fi fansites?)

After Max's family is murdered in the first film, he wanders out into the wasteland. The movie opens with a chase scene. Max still possesses the V8 Interceptor and his only companion is a Blue Heeler. He is being pursued by a Smegma Crazy who's driving a modified dune buggy, a Gayboy Berserker steering the road racer, and the Mohawker - Mighty Wez, handling the Kawasaki with the Golden Youth riding pillion.

The villains are known as the Dogs of War, commanded by the Humungus.

As the Dogs of War pursue Max, they come upon a wreck on the highway. Max manages to steer his Interceptor through the chaos on the road, while Wez ramps the first cannibalized vehicle and safely guides his motorcycle through the rest of the wrecks. The Road Racer hits the first smashed up car but manages to get his vehicle under control and crests through the other stand-still wrecks. The Dune Buggy says not a chance and veers his car off the highway to the safety of the sand.

When Max realizes he's getting low on gas, he switches off the super-charger which gives Wez and the Road Racer a chance to overtake him. But Max slams on the brakes just as the Gayboy Berserker fires his porta-pack. The stray arrow catches Wez in the arm and he leaves the road. Max then fires up his super-charger and begins ramming the Road Racer. Suddenly, the Dune Buggy appears. The vehicles collide. The Road Racer flips over and over, finally coming to a rest on its roof.

Seeing his chance to get some gasoline, Max hits the brakes and backs up the Interceptor. He hurries out of the car, followed by his Dog with his gas can. Just then Wez appears on the hill, screaming in anger since he still has the arrowhead in his forearm. Max ignores the Kawasaki and chooses to siphon the Dune Buggy's fuel tank. When he hears a war cry, he glances at Wez. The evil Mohawker has dismounted from his big bike and is strutting towards Max, giving Max a clear view of his humungus.

Unable to ignore the sexual tension of such a homo-erotic motorcycle chase any longer, Max (now mad with passion) engages The Humungus, Gayboy Berserker, Mighty Wez and the Golden Youth in an orgy of post-apocalyptic proportions by the side of the road.

With his gas tank refueled, Max heads off into the wasteland, leaving his new friends chomping at the bit.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

6X is the new 2

Strapped for cash after another trip to Saint Tropez but in desperate need of new formal wear, Victor decided to take his friend's advice and cut clothing costs by shopping in the little boys' department...

"I'm telling you dude, it totally makes your neck look bigger."

Monday, October 8, 2007

haute partridge

JPG Menswear S/S 08

Cravat... blazer badge... tan string-back driving gloves.... There's something strangely familiar about this ensemble...

Friday, October 5, 2007

why so glum, chum?

Well if you were given fluffy golden pancakes and forbidden to eat them you'd be down in the dumps too. Say, do you think maple syrup would do anything for that frizz?

Thursday, October 4, 2007

window of opportunity

"Hey are we almost done here? I have to get these V-necks back to American Apparel by 5:00 or my shift manager gets a little twitchy."

Wednesday, October 3, 2007